What Have You Gotten Too Good at Tolerating?

Welcome to Wednesday. Safe moves are officially off the table.

You've gotten good at it.

Reading the room.

Anticipating objections.

Knowing when to speak up and when to hold back.

Making your ideas sound less threatening.

Doing the extra work before anyone asks.

Proving you're ready before you put your name forward.

You've learned how to navigate the B.S.

Maybe you've gotten so good at it that you barely notice you're doing it anymore.

But what if the thing you've become exceptionally good at is something you shouldn't have to do in the first place?

That's the question I'm asking you to consider this week.

In my latest Brazen Code Brief, I wrote about something I've spent a lot of time examining.

The B.S. women have endured isn't necessarily a series of unfortunate incidents. It's a pattern.

And we've become remarkably skilled at navigating it.

Think about it.

When someone consistently takes credit for your ideas, you learn to document your contributions.

When your judgment is questioned, you arrive with even more evidence.

When your authority isn't respected, you work harder to establish credibility.

When someone keeps giving you responsibilities beyond your role, you figure out how to get everything done.

These responses can be smart. Sometimes they're necessary.

But here's the trap: You can become so effective at managing an unfair arrangement that the arrangement never has to change.

You compensate for the problem.

You absorb its costs.

You find another workaround.

And everyone gets to keep operating as usual.

Except you.

Because all that adaptation requires something from you.

Time.

Energy.

Attention.

Opportunities.

Sometimes money.

You've become excellent at making something work that may not be working for you.

And that's worth questioning.

This week, catch one accommodation in real time.

Something you've learned to do automatically because that's how things work around here.

Maybe you routinely take on extra responsibilities.

Maybe you soften your recommendations before sharing them.

Maybe you're the person everyone relies on to fix a recurring problem.

Maybe you keep waiting for someone to recognize what you've already demonstrated.

Before you make your usual move, ask:

That's the distinction.

And if you realize you're maintaining an arrangement that isn't serving you, make one interruption.

If you're being asked to take on more responsibility, instead of automatically accepting it, say:

"Let's talk about the authority, resources, and compensation that should come with this expanded role."

If you're repeatedly fixing a problem that isn't yours to own, say:

"We've addressed this several times. I think we need to look at what's causing it rather than continuing to work around it."

If you're waiting to be recognized for an opportunity, say:

"I want to be considered for this. Let's discuss what it would take to move forward."

Notice what's different.

You're not just finding another way to accommodate the situation.

You're asking for the arrangement itself to change.

And that is a very different move.

Imagine you're the person everyone calls when something needs to get done.

You're capable.

Reliable.

Resourceful.

And because you consistently solve the problem, nobody has much incentive to reconsider why it keeps landing on your desk.

Until you ask a different question.

Instead of:

How can I fit this in?

You ask:

What needs to change for me to take this on?

Now the conversation includes resources, compensation, priorities, and decision-making authority.

Maybe the answer is yes.

Maybe the answer is no.

Maybe you discover just how much the arrangement depends on your willingness to keep accommodating it.

That's useful information.

Because interrupting a pattern doesn't guarantee the response you want.

It gives you the opportunity to stop accepting the same terms without examining them.

And if those terms don't change?

You can make a more informed decision about where your time, talent, and energy belong.

Sometimes the most important thing you learn by challenging an arrangement is whether it's worth staying in.

This is bigger than one conversation.

In The Brazen Code, I examine the unwritten expectations I call Permission Culture.

Prove yourself before you ask.

Be certain before you act.

Make yourself useful.

Don't make anyone uncomfortable.

Wait until someone decides you're ready.

Over time, those expectations can become automatic.

You stop needing someone to tell you to wait.

You start delaying yourself.

You stop needing someone to ask you for more proof.

You start collecting it before making your move.

And you stop noticing how much energy you're investing in making arrangements work for everyone else.

That's one way the Hesitation Tax gets collected without anyone ever sending you a bill.

But recognizing the pattern creates another possibility.

You can interrupt it.

And you don't have to do that alone.

This is why Huddle Your Teammates is one of the three pillars of The Brazen Code.

One woman shares what the opportunity actually pays.

Another makes an introduction that creates an alternative.

Another recommends a woman for a role she's qualified to hold.

Another directs a customer, contract, or investment opportunity toward a woman building something she owns.

Now we're doing more than helping one another become better at navigating the same obstacles.

We're building pathways around them.

We're moving information, access, money, and opportunity toward one another.

And every time we create another option, we become less dependent on the arrangements we've been told to accept.

That's how individual agency can become collective leverage.

Brazen Law reinforced: Don't become so good at navigating the B.S. that you forget you can challenge it.

What have you learned to tolerate that you could start changing?

That's today's move.

Notice the accommodation.

Question the arrangement.

Make a different move.

Women like us don't just learn how to work around the rules. We change which rules we're willing to follow.

—Martise
Founder, BrazenEra
Author of The Brazen Code

P.S. - The audiobook of The Brazen Code is officially out in the world.

I opened the book with two sentences:

The B.S. you have endured is an interruptible pattern.

This book is that interruption.

I didn't write The Brazen Code to help women become more acceptable within the existing rules.

I wrote it to give us a different playbook for building money, power, and freedom.

Put Yourself First. Be Brazen. Huddle Your Teammates.

The audiobook is available now, with the ebook and paperback to follow.

Listen to The Brazen Code on Spotify →

The Brazen Code isn't just something I want ambitious women to read or listen to.

It's something I'm proposing we practice.

One more thing:

Think about a woman you know who's gotten exceptionally good at managing something that shouldn't keep falling on her shoulders.

Maybe she's doing the work without the title.

Carrying the responsibility without the authority.

Or waiting to be recognized for something she's already demonstrated she can do.

Don't just tell her how impressive she is for handling it all.

Ask her:

"What would need to change so you don't have to keep carrying this?"

Then help her create an alternative.

Share information.

Make an introduction.

Help her negotiate.

Connect her with someone who can open another door.

Because Huddle Your Teammates isn't just about helping another woman navigate the same obstacles.

It's about helping her build enough power and options that she doesn't have to keep accepting them.

Women like us don't just recognize the pattern. We help each other interrupt it.